Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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