I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
