very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
