So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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