My nipple is on Facebook.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
