talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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