Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So squirting runs in the family.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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