TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
