Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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