i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
