hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize