I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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