are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
