I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have tasted many bathrooms
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
