that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
