We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
