Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize