I faked an abortion last night.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
