someone get that fucking seahorse.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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