I am in a vortex of obligation.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize