We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
