I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
