I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
