I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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