I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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