Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
