another moral hangover. fuck.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
