just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
