People in love make me want to vomit
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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