Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
