I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
