since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
