Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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