ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
