I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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