Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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