You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
