We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
