and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I would ride that face into the sunset
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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