Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
