I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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