Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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