i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
