Plan B is the new Plan A
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
