dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
