Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
