Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
