So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
