The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
