i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
