it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
