I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize