a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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