I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
