How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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