i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
