that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize