she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
