Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Houston, we have a blender
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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