i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Can Purell be used as lube?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
