I wish my penis had an off switch
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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