Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
