i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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