We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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