He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
