found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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