Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
