She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
