dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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