So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
