Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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