Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
