So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
