It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
