Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
