The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
