You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Enjoy the penises
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
