So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
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