Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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