if i can run in heels then i can drive
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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