my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
