woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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