the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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