omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
