thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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