just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
