He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
