they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize