I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
