There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
