Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize