What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
