Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
