in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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