Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize