i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
