You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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