I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
