I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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