what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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